Having been in the ministry for approximately 50 years, I have had my share of opportunities to share in the sorrows and losses of others. Most obvious is the loss of a loved one in the form of death.
This brings about a painful grieving process that most adults are familiar with in one way or another. This grief, though painful, is usually accompanied by support from others, especially those who understand the pain firsthand. It is also a grief that, thankfully, tends to diminish over time as we adjust to the loss.
But there is another grief that is quite different. It is not experienced as widely nor understood as deeply as other kinds of grief. It is infertility. Perhaps because infertility is so painful and carries such a sense of personal failure, most remain quiet about it. But let's understand one thing, it is a loss. It is the loss of feeling a sense of control.
More personally, it is the loss of a dream. It can feel like the loss of one’s sexual identity. We don’t write obituaries for miscarriages, but the private feeling of abandonment by God and aloneness in a family-oriented world can be overwhelming at times. The poet has said that no man is an island, but that doesn't mean we don't feel like one at times.
This profound feeling of isolation can most effectively be bridged by one who has been there. Cindy Dake--along with her husband, Edward--clearly possesses the tools and experience to build such a bridge. (There is a chapter to men written by Edward.) Not only does she know the island well, but Cindy also knows how to blend her personal experience with that of others, how to research thoroughly, and how to write in a friendly, candid style that brings it all right into your heart.
As helpful as all that is, there is something else that sets this work apart from just another fellow traveler’s story. It is the personal depth of the writer. I know the reader will appreciate the emotional and spiritual maturity Cindy brings to her understanding of infertility.
In addition to powerful testimonies representing the wide range of experiences, perhaps Cindy’s greatest contribution is a biblical and theological perspective to address the many questions that arise in the lives of those battling infertility. These questions range from dealing with guilt, shame, victimization, and self-image to bargaining with God for “favorable treatment.”
Cindy deals with these questions in a refreshingly honest manner, while staying grounded in the Word and sensitive to the tender feelings of the reader. This strength is built into the foundation of the many practical insights and concrete suggestions found from cover to cover. Cindy has included wise and wonderful tips for handling everything from insensitive comments by friends and family to setting boundaries for time and money invested in various child-bearing options.
Finally, let me applaud the inclusion of the option of adoption. While adoption may not be right for all infertile couples, it is a blessing to many parents and children. Once again, Cindy has earned the right to be heard on this subject as the reader quickly discovers. She also recognizes that, for some others, the acceptance of a childfree choice can bring its own unique blessings.
For years, as both a seminary professor and now as a pastor, I have emphasized the power of members of the body of Christ to minister to one another. I believe this book is one great example of this power in action. The silent pain of the infertile couple has produced a voice that resonates with those who are worthy to be heard.
If you are struggling with infertility or know someone who is, be grateful for the labor of love represented in this work. Read it and be an instrument of God’s love to others.
